Depression sucks..... No shit Sherlock!!!!!

It slowly creeps up on me and then is set off by a trigger and full blown depression is back. Sort of like a buzz that creeps up on you then has you slurring your words and stumbling around. I am explaining all of this to my Psychiatrist how I have slowly been getting sadder and sadder, my sleep is back to non existent, I'm emotional binge eating, crying all the time, very irritable, walking around with a fake smile. The black cloud is right over my head again and won't go away. So then my psych tells me "Sounds like your depressed again, Depression sucks!" Really I didn't know I was depressed and definitely didn't know it sucks. Can you answer my questions though, why doesn't it just go away? Why can't I be fine for longer periods of time before increasing my dosage on meds? Why am I so anxious all the time? Why doesn't anyone understand or at least try? Why me? Why, why, why?????? Cannot give me any of the information I need but he asks, "are you suicidal?" I don't have a plan to kill myself but do wish I could go away since I feel more like a burden than any sort of positive part in anyone's life. I am to much of a chicken shit to off myself but times like these think it would be easier than continuing on feeling like this. I must have done some real terrible shit to someone to deserve all of this sucks that not even medicine can keep me sane!!!!!